Menses and Fear

Incredible Hulk

Credit: Unknown. Contact me for removal if you own this image.

Today I’ve had a great time at my ragged country house. Surrounded by family and cats with a generous dose of face-planting on feline fluffiness, I found comfort in their company and felt the growing tension the past week subsiding, if only for a while. Now that I am back in the city, my anxiety is returning. I believe hormonal imbalance contributes to this whirl of emotions and undue fear of everything. I fear my reaction to impatient motorists while driving, I fear the distaste I have for my interim boss since the reliable one has quit the company, and I fear my repulsion for conversations with colleagues whose interests I cannot for the likes of me, relate. Case in point, watching The Vampire Diaries. Have you ever watched the South American weather reporter who likes to wear tight one piece dress that reveals her curve of the bum and chest? I have such colleague. Normally, her behaviour does not bother me. But recently, her airheaded-ness is as sickening as my distaste for everything.

And then there is the fear of exposing my fears, shutting the effort of writing on WordPress again.

It is 1 am. I have work in the morning, but I am writing. Fear be damn. I may lose some form of control at being a decent human being, and I will apologise for them, but I will not stop writing. I’ve been avoiding for too long.

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