Underuse

Blank

Words, return to me. Have you been hurt by my ignorance?  I have you stowed away for later use, but you left silently while I’m away, leaving spaces blank in my mind.  You’ve left me dull to the world around me; you took away its colour. I feel blind without your presence. All I see are blurry images that crowd my vision. Their unfamiliarity forces me to silence them. Without you, they are strangers.

Shapes are things in my peripheral vision that bound indistinct colours. Lines form into textures and shapes that I can’t recognize. There is no edge, no pointy corner, no size but big and small.

Big and small. There. At least they didn’t leave me. Any word that has befriended me in primary school wouldn’t leave me. But most of you did.

Sounds are easier. Click, clack, tick, tack, wait, is tack a word for sound? Sigh. It’s not easy without you around.

This is silly. Laying the blame on you for leaving is selfish of me. You’re like wisps of memory which the container of my mind has failed to keep. And I haven’t maintained it. The compartments within it have not held. I’ve let useless information perforate the walls, allowing you to slip away for others to stay. Memories of this world aren’t captured.

I can’t differentiate the world without you. People’s faces become one. I see eyes, brows, nose and lips. I don’t see the hollow in people’s skin, the dimple in their cheeks, or the crook in their chin. I see a variety of clothes that conceal bodies. But none of the words to describe them. They have either become one or none.

The stand on the desks. The frame of the door. The glass wall. The smudge on its surface. The squish plastic…

I am floundering.

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