Vampire Madness

The crouched vampire hissed and heaved impatiently. It was poised ready, baring a set of fanged teeth over an unconscious, gory man sprawled on the ground. The man seemed so scrumptious, a titillating rare meat, spread over with carmine sauce, warm and savoury. The vampire closed in on its quarry, readying to suck on precious blood, when out of the gloom a cloaked vampire emerged. “No! We must not hurt the mortal!” it said, its set of fanged teeth visible under a hood.

The predatory vampire glanced at the looming figure who’d barked the orders. Upon recognition, its basilisk eyes enlarged.  Yielding grudgingly, the creature hissed, snapped upright and flounced back. “But to waste the spill of blood,” it raged, hands swiping thin air, “as it drains freely off its vessel… it’s against our creed!” it cried, chest heaving with discontentment.

“Our liege’s word is law,” purred a husky voice. Clopping on ruby red stilettos, a sultry female vampire dressed in skimpy leather strolled towards the leader with the sinuous grace of a Malaysian backup dancer. She latched on to the patriarch, her knee hoisted across the parasite leader’s upper legs, which no boner would ever appear, for vampire has no soul, boohoo.

“Why should we spare this man’s life?” spat the snivelling vampire, one of its fangs crooked, its point chipped.

“Because…” the leader’s voice trailed off into contemplating silence. The vampire woman tilted her face, her tongue slithering out from its oral depth reaching for the leader’s neck.

The wretched vampire with the hideous fangs was fidgeting impatiently, submissive but looking mutinous.

“Because…” The leader slowly raised his head.

There were more vampires now, emerging from the darkness, watching their leader keenly, patiently, waiting for his words, his words that say…

“BECAUSE I WANT TO BOOGIE!” howled the alpha leech. It flung its arms up jubilantly, knocking off the horny vamp, and seized the battered human off the ground. It swayed its hips to the lively samba now playing in the background. The throng of bloodsuckers joined in the dance, their cloaks swishing about them, limbs shaking wildly to the music.
The mortal body flailed in the leader’s arms for it was swaying vigorously now, cha cha cha, whoop whoop, and twisting and turning, and …

src Movie Dracula: Dead & Loving it (1995)

I know I know. The story makes no sense. It was never meant to have any in the first place. I just need to unwind.


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